Good Gossip?

I was talking to my friend recently when she said, "Girl, I have some juicy gossip for you. You can't tell anyone!" Of course I took the bait 1. Because what gossip monger could resist? 2. She happens to be my favorite person to gossip with. So she began to tell me this tale of a mutual friend who, up to now, had a pretty solid reputation. (Before you get your knickers in a knot, let me preface, I personally do not hold much store by that kind of "reputation"; how does your sexual activity affect me? It doesn't.) She had rode the line of experience, shall we say, far better than most college students. She could be a virgin, she could be exceptionally experienced, she could be somewhere in between: no one quite knew. Until she hooked up with the wrong guy, who started to spread the word and she had to go around doing damage control/clear her name. (Or so I am told.) On the one hand, it was a solid piece of gossip. But what I found even more interesting was the reaction me and my friend had. It was not spiteful or gleeful or pitying, per se. My automatic response was "I can't believe this guy would do that to her". The girl is not my best friend, but she is a good person. She is super enjoyable to be around, she is funny, she does not take crap from anyone. In short everyone loves her. In turn, she just is not the girl you would expect to be the victim of gossip. (Though I cannot imagine her responding in victim fashion. I can imagine her berating him/him getting the cold shoulder from their mutual community.) Nevertheless, even though the gossip itself was potentially damaging to her reputation, all it did, for me, was bring up feelings of fondness about how much I like this chica bonita. I never considered gossip functioning in this way, as a means of evoking good feelings.

I think a majority of people use and interpret gossip in a way to make other people look and feel bad, about themselves and their actions, and in turn make themselves feel good. Especially women. And looking back, with this example as a reference, I do not find that aspect has even been a part of my gossiping. Do not get me wrong, I do gossip frequently and even my closest friends are not exempt from it, but I gossip because 1. I am nosy and enjoy hearing about other people's business/transgressions and 2. it reinforces that people are human. I like celebrity gossip because it tells me that they look just as washed out as I do when I do not wear foundation. I appreciate the fact that they like to wear sunglasses because they are dead tired yet need to run errands. I do that too! I like real life gossip for the same reason. I could care less if a girl slept with half the lacrosse team, but I do appreciate the fact that she has an affinity for muscular men and sex. I like muscular men too! Indeed, sometimes gossip inclines me more towards a person because now I know we have a little more in common.

And maybe I can take this stance because I have never been the victim, to my knowledge, of seriously hard hitting gossip. Oh wait, on second thought, I have. I think I can take this stance because I have a solid concept of who I am and I surround myself with people who have a solid concept of who I am and who they are. Even when we do gossip about each other, it is never vindictive, it is never to put the other person in a bad light. It is generally to point out what a hott mess we are and thereby why we are so fond of each other.

It is not to say that I think gossip is good, per se, but I do think that there can be positive forms of gossip.